Image isn't everything... is it?

So I will have to be honest... I am really not enjoying pregnancy as much as I thought I would the second go around. I mean don't get me wrong I am treasuring every moment I just am really down about my body image in general.

Last time even though I gained a whopping 55lbs ( yes that's right and I managed to lose it all too ) I didn't really seem to care, I just didn't really care for the way I felt, or the heartburn I had. This time it is totally different. I feel like my body has just given up or at least decided to turn against me.

My face looks like I am going through puberty, stretch marks, random hair, ummm where did that cellulite come from... new found oiliness, heartburn, hip problems and where is that pregnancy glow that all these people talk about it. I have been pregnant two times now and still have not had it!!!!!

I just wonder since women ( in general in my opinion ) sacrifice soo much of their time, efforts, body why is it that we cant get just a little help along the way. I mean in reality once this little man gets here I am really not going to care what I look like when I glance in the mirror because I will be totally focused and in love with him ( not to mention I wont have a moment to do so anyhow) but I just wish I could get up one morning with out a new pimple or something that needs to be plucked ( TMI).

Let's face it- we women have it way rougher than men. I mean we cant even go to the supermarket and checkout with all of our produce and goods in tow without seeing some airbrushed model/actress on the cover a magazine looking like a million bucks- in a bikini none the less... and to top it off... MEN ARE THE MOST VISUAL CREATURES ON THE PLANET!!!!!

I mean what happened to the Jessica oh I don't know three years ago. Where did her body, skin, appearance in general go... even my own 92 year old grandmother commented yesterday " that I didn't quite look like myself" I think that was a kind way of her to say... ummm you've gained some weight...lol God love her! At least she wasn't as blunt as she usually is.

I just keep telling myself... just 17 weeks or less and this will be over and hopefully these lbs will shed as fast as they did last time, and the blemishes will clear up... As for the stretch marks... oh well I guess they are hanging around for the long haul.

But am I the only one who feels like their body has turned against them- when they are making the ultimate sacrifice? Its just slightly ... no very depressing...

Half way there...

There has been so much going on during the last few weeks that I literally have to stop and tell myself to breathe. I finally finished my A & P part one course and passed with a high B! Very exiting as I thought it was going to be the end of me at some points. Josh and I also got back from Florida Saturday evening. And to top it all off we found out that our new addition is going to be A BOY!!!!! :)

The trip to Florida was wonderful and just what a mommy needed. I actually held up better than I thought for leaving Connor for that long for the first time. The first day was extremely hard and I about lost it on the plane several times when ever I saw kids that reminded me of him but that night we were able to Skpe with him while he stayed with his Nana and Pop. It was reassuring to know that he was doing well ( and didn't seem to miss us much ;). He had a wonderful time with them and they spoiled him absolutely rotten as grandparents should.

Josh and I got to spend one day at Disney World which was a ton of fun. We had both never been to Epcot so we decided to use our military passes for that and add the park hopper option to mine. So we also ventured through Animal Kingdom for a bit. Epcot was great and the majority of the exhibits and rides were insides ( so very nice on a 95+ degree day). And I was very surprised I could be on my feet all day like that and not have any problem... unless you count the blister on my right foot from my flip flop.

We were able to eat lunch in Italy and then even ended the day with fireworks, that was until the torential down pour occurred. Speaking of which Florida weather is bizarre. Our cab driver had told us on the way to the hotel to expect rain around 4-6 everyday but not to worry because it would clear up, lol. He was right about 2 of the days we were there. And it comes with out any warning.

The other days that we were there we lounged by the pool like lizards and worked on our tans... or I guess I should say burns :) But all and all it was a very relaxing vacation and we barely had to spend a dime.

When we returned I couldn't have been more exited to see the little man. If you know me I rarely get exited about allot. Well let me rephrase that... I rarely show great excitement about allot. It is not that I am not exited about things I guess I just do not show it as much. However on Saturday I about lept off the curb at the airport into the car. I missed him so much!

Monday was another big day for us. We FINALLY closed on the refinancing of our house... I mean it has only taken 4 long and tedious months... I have no idea what the hold up... but it was annoying... So that is a blessing that our mortgage payments have gone down by $300 a month. We also found out that our house appraised for $50,000 more than we bought it for in just a year. We live in a brand new subdivision and so far everything the builder has built has been sold and for more than what we paid for our house- so that was such a blessing to hear as we plan to take equity from our home next summer to finish the basement.

But the biggest event to date was yesterday afternoon when we got to find out the sex of the baby. As you see from earlier in my post I am having another boy! I can feel in years to come tat my house is going to be destroyed:) But little boys are wonderful and now Connor will have a little brother to play with.

However during the ultrasound we found out that one of the baby's kidney's ( the left) was quite a bit larger than the other. Josh noticed it when she was doing the U/S. So he said " Is it just me or is that kidney larger than the other one?" She mentioned that she had noticed that and would proceed to take further measurements.

There was only so much she could tell us but she informed us that sometimes this happens in little boys and that I would be monitored closely by the doctors throughout the rest of the pregnancy.

When I met with Dr. Wheelock after my appointment he informed me that the U/S was correct and the left was larger than the right. It appeared that his left kidney was not expelling urine like it should and it was causing the kidney wall to swell. This could be due to an obstruction or an abnormality. He also went onto say that in 4 weeks I would have another U/S to see if the kidney had changed in size. If it had grown then they would send me to high risk specialist at UVA who specialize in this area and they would take it from there as to what to do upon delivery. If it had not changed in size or had gone down they would still continue to monitor it via U/S but it would not be as much cause for concern.

Of course you know me... the moment I got home I had to start my own personal research and I found out that the condition is called "Prenatal Hydronephrosis." or swelling of the kidney's.
The link provided below will tell you more about the condition if you are interested:

http://www.cornellurology.com/pediatrics/prenatal.shtml

As for me I am holding up knowing that my little unborn miracle is in God's hands. It is hard to let go because of my control freak nature but I am really trying to trust in him through this. It was also reassuring to hear from Dr. Wheelock that of all the things that could be wrong with my child I would wish for something like this.

So keep us in your prayers and especially our little man ( who has no name yet).

I will post U/S pictures soon. I need to scan them in.

Goodbye Daddy

So once again Josh has left us, and hopefully for the last time...in a long time for training in Arkansas. He left at 6am on Saturday morning and I stood in the driveway in my PJ's balling my eyesout. I dont know why this time was harder for me than a month ago when he left for PA. Maybe it was that it is twice as far away as the first trip and I just worry about his safety. Or the loneliness that I will feel while he is gone. The only thing I have to snuggle at night is a body pillow and frankly it is just not the same.

Last night my worst fear happened... well not my worst but one that I dread when ever he goes away. At 2:30 am I woke up because the power had gone out. My first thought was OMG! Someone cut the power off to the house, they are about to break in and kill us!!!! Then I ran to the window to see if my theory was true and if all the neighbors still had power. Thank God everyone was out. So either some drunk driver on his way back from a 4th party hit a power line pole on 460 or the pyscho serial killer found away to take out everyones power.

So immediately I picked up my flashlight I had already placed on the nightstand of my bed and went downstairs and had to dig through the stack of paid bills to find the power company's number. I called and reported the outage... apparently not being the first one. Then due to the LACK of noise Connor woke up and started crying. He has also been sick with a cold and started having a croupy sounding cough... Great! So Connor, Woofer & I all sat in my room by the light of one burning candle while I prayed desperately for the power to be restored. Finally after an hour it was... and I put Connor back to bed and drifted off to sleep myself ( with almost everylight in the house on). Now after way to much caffine late this evening I lay awake not being able to sleep... so what better to do than blog.

So in other eventful news... the day before Josh left for Arkansas we took Connor to the park to play. I have included some pictures for your enjoyment. He loves more than anything to get down and run around - and apparently away from us. So we took him to the baseball field where he could run around in a CAGED area :) Josh and I stood there and watched how far he would actually go... and he kept going and going until we decided to run after him. It was kind of heartbreaking that he is so independant.

You know you read in all these books and hear mothers scold you for co-sleeping with your child for as long as we did ( which was up until he was a year old) but to be truthfully honest, and while every child is different. Connor is ANYTHING but dependant! He is the polar opposite of that. We had no problem getting him to sleep in his crib and the more I think about it - I think he was trying to tell us that is what he wanted for a while before we ended up doing it. He moves around during the night more than any child I have ever seen. He also plays really well by himself and isnt clingy unless its in a new situation where he seems overwhelmed and even then its just for a minute.

While I cant say I will co-sleep at all with my next child, or I do for as long as we did with Connor I will say that not only did I treasure every cuddly moment of it( until I was kicked profusely in the stomach by my mammoth child) but I feel as if it gave him a sense of security and that is why he is as independant as he is. He knows that his mommy and daddy love him very much and so he is secure enough ( yes even at 18 months) that he can be his independant self :)

So now we are going on two days w/o daddy and we miss him very much. Only 11 more to go until we see him again.

Cant wait!

It's been awhile... and I have been extremely busy...

So it has been awhile since my last post. I am absolutely horrible at blogging (just because it is on a different site than facebook). I think I need to start making myself go to this site everyday and then maybe I will post more.

Things have been absolutely crazy here. I started my first class back in May which was an INTENSE two week intensive. That really got the ball rolling on the hectic life that I believe I will be living for ... well here to eternity. Up until now it was pretty much smooth sailing. I was a stay at home mom with an angel for a child and a great husband and no other real commitments. Now I am going back to school, and getting ready to have another child in December. What was I thinking :)

My Anatomy and Physiology course is going better than I expected. Somehow by the grace of God I have maintained an A average while taking this demanding course online. I never thought it was possible. I guess I have always been better at school when I actually had the desire to do it, not just going for the sake of going. So maybe that is what is happening here. By the end of the fall semester and just short of baby #2 arriving I will have all my core classes for nursing taken care of except for Micro Bio which I will take next summer. All of my courses so far I am doing online and I hope to keep it that way during the fall.

I also picked up a small side job that I do sporadically where I address envelopes. Its great pocket cash and relatively simple. So that is always nice. Hopefully I will be getting at least one job a month if not more.

On top of going back to school, raising a toddler ( which to say the least is crazy and draining), being pregnant, Josh is going out of town yet again. This will make the third time in just a little over a month. He was gone for a week at the end of May, then two weeks in June and is leaving Saturday for Arkansas for two more weeks. When he arrives home we have one day until we drive down to CLT leave Connor with my parents and head for what could be our last "couple" vacation for a LOOOOOOOOOONG time.

This will be the first time I have left Connor for more than just an overnight stay. I have only left him one time and that was back in October. So I am pretty sure this wont be the relaxing vacation I was hoping for but we do desperately need it. And I know that I am leaving my child in good hands so that puts me a little at ease. At least I am only a 12 hr drive or a 1 1/2 plane ride away if there is an emergency.

We actually won this trip because of Josh's hard work and dedication to his job over the past year. For the first three quarters of the fiscal year Josh was TOP RECRUITER IN THE STATE OF VA! So proud of him. Technically he still is if the recruiters in VA Beach didn't cheat and feed one recruiter each year. Also Josh has given away 12 potential applicants just so he could help out other guys in his area... He is ridiculously talented and great and what he does. So we are being pampered as we rightfully should be and having our vacation paid for in full. A Kin Deluxe Suite at the Caribe Royal in Orlando right outside of Disney World, Paid Air fair and daily expenses, and we get to go to Walt Disney World!!!!!!! That is the only thing that has to be paid for, at least for me anyways. Military personnel get to go to DW 365 days a year at no cost and I only have to pay a minimal fee. Its great! In a couple years when the kids are old enough to enjoy it we will go back. I cant wait to take my kids one day.

In other related news. I just finished hosting about 9 guests at my house last week. All family from Josh's side. We had a great time. We ended up going to the Zoo in Natural Bridge in 95 degree weather but we did have a blast. I am not sure if Connor really cared about the animals but he seemed slightly intrigued. I think he was more exited about running around and taunting the roosters they had there...lol. He did also like the monkeys!

We also were able to finally check out Amazement Square downtown. I was really impressed. I must say that I have wanted to go there for the past 10 years but have had a reason until now. One of THE BEST kids museums I have ever been to. My husbands niece and nephew said that it was better than any of the museums they have been to in Chicago. Which made my day! We also took his niece and nephew to play putt putt which surprisingly they I had never done before. Unfortunately my wining streak against Josh ended but I did get a hole in one! So that was exiting. I also found that I am really good at ski or ice ball. Always good to know.

Now we are preparing for Josh to leave again and brace the next to weeks. But hopefully with all my course work, birthday parties to attend, people to visit and envelopes to address these next to weeks will go by fast.

On Monday we are off to visit my best friend Kathy, her husband and her son who is about the same age as Connor, just a little younger. We have been friends since early grade school and she moved away a little over a year ago to NOVA. So that should be a lot of fun. I miss her so much and cant wait to be able to have some quality girl time with her.

Josh and Daddy looking at the animals...
Elena ( our niece) feeding the donkey... she had absolutely no fear of any of the animals that were roaming free...

More to come...

Back to school

So it is official, Monday I start back to school. I really never thought that I would be going back but this fall when I lost my job I realized that maybe it was time to pursue what I have always been interested instead of settling for dead end sales and PR jobs. So its off to nursing school I go.

Since it is just the start I will only be taking core classes for the first two semesters and then I will get to the more challenging (actual) nursing classes come the following fall. This will give me a semi-decent break from classes in the spring '10 semester after the baby arrives, then I will only have one class to take that summer.

I must admit I am nervous since I haven't taken a class since 2006. I feel that since I was pregnant with Connor my organization and memory skills have drastically gone down hill. Now that I am pregnant again the "Momniesia" has returned and I find myself often going into a room and forgetting why in the world I went there in the first place.

This first class is a two week intensive followed by an online course so hopefully this summer shouldn't be to rough. My other fear ( given that this is a morning class) is that I will have to rush out of class several times either to pee or to vomit. So here's hoping for the best, but just in case I will be the closest student to the door.

In other news, the Pedersen's are now a double SUV family. This past weekend we headed down to Charlotte for the annual "Quail Hallow Open" ( which used to be the Wachovia Open before they were bought by Wells Fargo) and in the process traded in our Altima for a Kia Sedona. I must say I do love and it gets great gas mileage... don't I sound like a man? It will be perfect for our family of four. So I hope that in two weeks we don't get a major surprise on the ultrasound and find out there are twins in there.

The only reason I would even remotely think that I was having twins is because I carry what is called the "super ovulation gene." You can only care this gene if your mother, grandmother, etc on your side of the family was a fraternal twin ( which means they also carried the gene). Given that my grandmother on my mom's side was in fact a fraternal twin it got me thinking. Also since I am an avid "cycle" follower and NFP'r I have noticed that I ovulate more than once a month. TMI! Hey I am just saying - I am a baby maker OK! So we will see on the 18th when I get a first peek at this little peanut who has been reeking havoc on my body since week four!

It definitely seems with this pregnancy that I am much more sick that I was with Connor and much earlier in the actually pregnancy as well. I am thankful however that my migraines have not started up again. I think that is largely from the fact that I have drastically limited my caffeine intake to practically none and I am trying to at least make an attempt at eating healthy. I hope I didn't just jinx myself there.

Babies, Babies Everywhere

I sit here this morning just thinking about how AWESOME God's timing is... I just found out that another one of my close girlfriends is pregnant! This also adds to the 50 or so other people I know that are pregnant or just had a baby in 2009. It seems every time I get pregnant, a pregnancy trend starts to occur.

But back to the close girlfriend who is pregnant. In high school there were six girls that did absolutely everything together. We went to a small private Christian school and it was great because instead of just having one or two close friends we all were a pretty close knit group of classmates. However, these 5 other girls and myself were pretty much thick as thieves. It wasn't until we graduated that we went out separate ways. A couple of us were able to stay close because we attended liberty together and were roommates at one time or another, but it wasn't until about 5 years or so ago that we all go back together again, and now we try to get together several times every year and allot of us see each other more than that.

This fall I received an email from one of them named Andrea showing pictures of her little girls first birthday. Now Andrea and I became really close again when she was pregnant because at the time I was also pregnant with Connor and now are two babies (or toddlers at this point) were only two months a part. The title of the pictures she sent was "Happy Birthday Big Sister!" At first I didn't even notice and then I had to do a double take, immediately picked up the phone and called her asking if she was pregnant... she then explained to me that she was and that it was totally unexpected. She is now expecting a baby boy named Samuel this coming June.

At the beginning of this month I went to check my email as I do every morning after breakfast and found an email from Brynn. Brynn and I had been roommates in college as well as friends in high school and she had moved to Michigan with her husband, whom she met in college as soon as they got back from their honeymoon. We only get to see Brynn a couple times a year but on a recent visit she had mentioned that her and her husband were going to start trying to have a child soon, so you can only imagine my excitement when I found out in that very email that she was expecting and at the time 7 weeks pregnant.

It was also that very day that Kathy my best friend and roommate of several years in college sat down to write almost the exact same email but found the email from Brynn in her inbox. She decided to post pone her announcement until the next week as to not take the excitement away from Brynn. So that is exactly what she did... only no one knew that until she wrote the email exactly a week later. It was on that morning that I received Kathy's email that I, myself had just found out I was expecting the night before. I immediately called Kathy after reading her email and played dumb but that only lasted so long before I made her break the news and then I broke my news to her.

Now this made 4 out of the 6 girls from high school that were all pregnant. I immediately called Kim and told her and tried to convince her and Nikki (the other two girls of the group) to get pregnant so we could all be pregnant together. She explained to me that while that would be fun she and Nikki were good with just their little boys and wanted to wait.

A week later I met 4 of the girls for Dinner while Brynn was in town and tried to plead with Nikki and Kim yet again to get on the baby making board but to all my best efforts it did not work. That night I came home and had a dream that Kim called the very next day telling me she was freaking out but she too was pregnant.

Exactly another week later I was woken up from a nap by a late afternoon phone call from Kim and thought to myself... "hmmm I wonder why she is calling?"... When I called her back she informed me that she was "freaking out" and it was because she had just taken a pregnancy test that turned out to be positive. She was still in disbelief and shock and was currently on her way to CVS to purchase another test just to make sure.

As soon as I got off the phone I could help but laugh at the timing that God has. The girls and I had always talked about being pregnant together and now 5 out of 6 of us are! It is such a blessing, a wonderful blessing to go through being pregnant with at least one other person but to have 4 others is absolutely wonderful. Not to mention the many other girls I know and are close to that are pregnant, including one of my other best friends Sarah ( who is also due in June).

God is so good and he drops these little blessings when we least expect it. Sometimes they are big, and other times small but if you just take a step back and a look around you will see that they are everywhere.

Until next time... always remember " When you plan... God Laughs!"

403,200 minutes

It's official... WE'RE EXPECTING our second child in December!

We definitely were not planning on having another child this year but God had other plans for us. I must admit that I was a little more shocked when I found out I was pregnant this go around than with Connor. I knew all month that it was a possibility but when it finally was confirmed on the digital screen of the pregnancy test reality finally set in. My first thought and most regretful one to date was "This isn't the right time Lord." Followed by my second "I hope Josh doesn't freak out."I immediately went downstairs and broke the news to Josh while I busted out into tears. He asked why in the world I was crying because this was great news and immediately I began to feel much better about the situation.

After the first 12 hours of letting the news sink in I began to see a perfect plan unfolding. Each detail unraveling of how this was exactly the "perfect time" to have another child. While another winter baby was not exactly my idea of fun I realized that it fit perfectly for my plans to go back to school for nursing. This way I could start like I had planned this summer and at least finish a semester and a half ( half being the summer course or two I would take). Then I would break until the following fall when my actually nursing courses would start. This would give me enough time to be settled with a new baby and one wild toddler.

My first doctor's appointment is May 18th. I am very exited to find out whether or not there is one baby or two growing inside me. I have always loved the thought of possibly having twins. Its a very good possibility considering my mother's mother was a fraternal twin and that gene ( the super-ovulation gene- meaning you ovulate more than once a month ) is passed down through the mother's side and I just happen to have it. So who knows maybe I have double the trouble coming my way. If not, my other hope is that it is a little girl. However, what is most important no matter the number or the gender is the health of the child. It seems like so many women I know try to have children and can't or have complications in pregnancy or lose children early on. It is so devastating to think but I know that I am in the best hands possible for I am a child of God.

As of this point I am just a little over 5 weeks and feeling great. No nausea and only slightly tired in the late afternoon. No real distinct cravings at this point. I have however since before I found I was pregnant started eating better and now am completely caffeine free. It's rare that I even have a soft drink- if I do it is caffeine free. I am also drinking allot more water and continuing to workout which is something I didn't do a whole lot of last time ( hence my 60lb weight gain.... but hey I lost it all right?).

I hope to really keep up with this blog this time. Its hard because I am so used to using facebook "Notes" section like I did last time that I forget about blog spot all together.